What is your biggest fear?

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" 2 Timothy 1:7

So, I ask, what is your greatest fear?  What rattles you to the core and causes you to freeze in the face of it?  Mine is rejection.  Rejection can come in many forms, job prospects, friendships, romantic interests, and so on but mine is rejection in intrapersonal relationships.  This might surprise those of you that know me but I'm so afraid of being rejected, or disliked in any fashion that I'm afraid to step out of my comfort zone and really make a connection with someone new.  Now, you all are probably saying "Yeah, right.." but seriously, I CAN talk to a brick wall, and I'll make polite small talk to a stranger in the grocery line or in a waiting room any day of the week but I'm afraid to put myself out there when I start a new friendship with anyone because I don't want to be rejected. Once I make a new connection with someone, I don't ever want to give up on that because I truly love people and want to keep the people God puts in my life around!!  And yes, once you get to know me, I am an open book; it's hard for me to imagine being any other way.  But the initial reaching out and offering myself to someone to build a relationship with them, PETRIFYING!!!  

One of the hardest times in my life was going through my divorce, I had to deal with being rejected and left behind.  Some of that fear was from the unknown, some from the unavoidable changes that were coming, but mostly it was my greatest fear coming to fruition, I had been completely rejected.  God really used that time to show me that my fear of rejection by people here on earth, wasn't what I should be focusing on, He wanted my focus to be on HIM because he will never forsake or reject us when we are truly His children! God constantly brought me back to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The amazing thing about God's timing is that I was in a Bible study group with some really amazing women and God used my experience to immediately minister to other women, and isn't that what it is all about?  I drew my strength from Him, without God as my strength, I would have never made it so seamlessly through that huge change in my life.  My focus stayed on Him and doing the right thing for my kids.  I know people that seem to still not have conquered the sense of failure that can stem from a marriage being destroyed, and the only thing I can offer is God brought me THROUGH it...not out of it, not around it, but through it.  I was extremely fearful of the unknown but knowing God was on my side made it so much easier. 

All relationships are hard, but they are also what makes our life here on earth worth living.  God made us emotional human beings to interact and develop deep interpersonal relationships with one another.  He allows us to experience things in our lives, both extremely good and deeply horrible things so that we might be able to share in those experiences through meaningful relationships with one another.  Believing Romans 8:28, that God uses all things for His good, encourages me by knowing that even though I may be going through something really tough, God will use that to help someone else through a similar circumstance; or He may just be really trying to teach me something that I need in my life to get through a future situation!  But either way, I trust Him completely with everything that I go through, and will be made more like Him through each thing!!

So, my question to you, what can you do with what you fear the most, to make you stronger and help others with your knowledge?  I can tell you that I originally wrote this post about a year and a half ago, and it's so amazing to me to see how God has changed me... I no longer fear rejection, but understand that it is a natural (not fun, but sometimes necessary..) part of life and the blessings I have received from cultivating some really meaningful relationships SO outweigh what I would have felt if they had rejected me.  I don't want to miss any of the blessings God has for me, so I am investing in relationships more than I ever thought possible today... I want God to continue to help me invest in people, my kids, my friends, my family, my future spouse whenever He brings him into my life, and any other person that God can use me to help through a tough time.

Sound of Your Voice...

So I know I've already posted today but I just can't get enough of God's Word and I want to talk about it!!!  I love having a fire and passion for the Lord, and I love when I hear a worship song and it gives me chills... my latest musical obsession is the Courageous soundtrack...  I could listen to Sound of Your Voice until the cd wears out.  I just love that song right now.  You know how, well, maybe you do (I guess this assumes I actually have an audience too but hey...) a song will just speak to you and you KNOW it's the Lord??? LOVE that... I so wish I could sing... I'd love to just praise God in song and not be afraid of someone hearing me...it is that bad.. I promise I will not subject you to it, I only sing loudly with abandon in my car with the radio up so loud I can't even hear my self!!!  I'm listening to it right now, and I have chills, love raising my arms up toward the heavens and just loving my God and being in so much awe that even when we run away from Him, he waits for us... Can you imagine the patience?  I can't... I'll be honest, patience is NOT my gift.  I guess that's why God keeps telling me, "Be still, Amy, and KNOW that I AM GOD!!"  (And yes, I hear him telling me that all the time...even right now...) Apparently I've prayed for patience one too many times!!!  I know His timing is perfect and I am willing to wait, no matter how much it makes me squirm with impatience... I CAN do it!  


So anyway, back to the song... Here are the lyrics so you can have an idea of where I'm heading with this...

I ran away from your love

But you waited for me

Yes, you waited for me

And then I heard your song

Singing over me

Singing over me

Now that I hear you, Lord

I want to know you more

I want to know you more

Sing your song to me

Oh, there's no greater thing

Than to listen to the sound of your voice

When I hear your song

I want to sing along

And listen to the sound of your voice

The sound of your voice

Lord, I am calling your name

And I'm waiting for you

Yes, I'm waiting for you

So won't you show me your way

And I will follow you

Yes, I will follow you

Singing over me

Bringing peace and mercy

With a song that never ends

Singing over me

Marvelous and holy

Lord, I want to hear your song again

I love how He waits on us, last Sunday I used the illustration of God's will having a path for us that is an extremely well paved expressway (made of gold even), and when we stay on that path, it leads directly and swiftly to  Him...but he knew even before He created us, which detours we would take, some of them are little side of the highway pit stops and we get right back on, while others are down a beaten up gravel road or a muddy trail full of pot holes... but no matter how far off of the golden paved highway we get, it's never too far for God to give us a way back.  He is always there, always waiting, holding his hand out for us to reach up to him and take a hold and not let go.  There is no sin to awful that he would ever choose to not redeem us from.  There is always peace and mercy to be received from our God, all we have to do is listen, and follow, he will guide us and never forsake us.  

So that's it, promise!!  I just wanted to share what God was doing in my life today through this one song.  It applies to so many circumstances, which of course, I am joyful of as my previous post shared..., and the neat thing about it, is God's word always applies to our lives in so many ways, ones we don't even realize... so just let Him show you His way, love him, worship him with abandon, sing those worship songs, read his word, pray (talk) with him constantly!!!  Let Him teach you His ways, they are such a smoother ride than doing things our own way!!!!!

Do you want to know him more??  

Contentment

Contentment

by definition is: 

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).


I started this post about 7 months ago, and I can say with certainty, God has done a great amount of work with me on this subject.  In June of last year, when I defined contentment, with Biblical foundation, I had no idea that God would play that definition out so concretely in my life.  Seven months ago, I was not content with my circumstances, and although I still struggle with this concept in some smaller areas of my life, I can honestly say... I am content, actually, I am very happy with my life.  God is sovereign, He never changes, He never forsakes us, He never gives up on us, He is ALWAYS my rock and I try to draw nearer to him constantly.  Who wouldn't be content reveling in the deep, consuming love of our Father?  I think of some of the things I've chosen over him in my past and wonder why I ever thought some of those things would bring me more happiness or contentment than He desires so much to give me.  Can you say "Blessed beyond belief!!!"??  I absolutely adore my place in this world.  I have an amazing Master, Counselor, Father, Friend and He has given me so much here on earth...two of the most beautiful children (inside and out), an opportunity to share my faith with others through so many avenues, a wonderful supportive family, great..no amazing Christian friends, a job I can do from home, and a solid foundation of who I am in Him, which leads me down His path for my life and I'm excited to see where some new opportunities will lead me.  


Someone said to me the other day that they could tell when they spent even just a few days out of God's word and how unsettled that feeling is.  When seeking true contentment in our lives, we must seek His face, daily, more than daily really, constantly.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us to be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances.  It doesn't say be happy when things are good, seek Me only when they aren't and take things into your own hands when they aren't going your way because you think my timing isn't good enough for you.


  Breaking that down a little further:


    v16 Be joyful always, while this goes against our human nature when things aren't going our way, if we are seeking His will in our lives, we can be thankful and even joyful that He loves us enough to allow us to go through trying times as well as the blessed ones so that we can draw nearer to Him, and glorify Him, even in the bad times.  When things are stressful and not going our way, it would be easier to just assume a fetal position and pout until we feel like dealing with it...but He wants us to see the opportunities to praise Him in everything, not just the good times!!  So while it may seem to be against our human nature to be joyful in trying times, when we are in His will, and know that he will not forsake us in those trying times, we can be joyful that he loves us enough to keep us there until His purpose and timing have been fulfilled.
   v17 pray continually, lets be real, we have lots of things and people vying for our attention ALL day long.  We have to MAKE time for this, it doesn't just happen because God clears our schedules for us when we want to talk to him.  But he always hears us as we go throughout our day when we talk to Him.  It sure is an amazing thing to think of His omniscience and ability to be everywhere at all times so that he is always available to us when we talk to Him.  Yes, I said talk... I think of my prayer time as just a conversation with a very dear friend, one where that person is able to complete your sentences, knows how you are going to react before you do, one you can trust to never betray you, one that truly has your best interest in his heart.  Why wouldn't He be the first person we turn to when we have a problem?  I have the best confidant you would ever be able to fathom, and his name is God.  He is the ultimate best friend you could ever imagine!  Talk to him, invest in your relationship with Him, He's waiting...
   v18 give thanks in all circumstances, you might think this sounds crazy, but every circumstance, every person, every relationship you encounter, has a purpose you can be thankful for.  For example, my marriage ending in divorce...horrible circumstance...but I'm thankful for it because God showed me through that circumstance (and many others of course) that He is dependable, and he gave me his provision, his unending friendship, and his nurturing, limitless love for me that no other man on this earth can ever provide to me.  He showed me that I am to look for relationships that model His love for me.  That His love is perfect and that we should love each other as Christ loved the church.  To love someone for what you can give to them, not what you can get from them.  To be Christlike, in all we do and all we share with others, no matter what the circumstances may be.  


So, those of you that know me, know I could go on and on about this, but I am going to leave it here for now... I'll end by saying, I want to draw nearer to Him every day, and soak in His love for me constantly.  I have never felt more loved by my Lord than I do in this current circumstance that he has me in, and I AM thankful and content RIGHT where He has me.  And I am very excited about seeing where this new adventure he has me on may lead!!  I L.O.V.E. my God!  ALWAYS!

Amy

"Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds." Proverbs 27:23

  How well do you know your children's hearts?  What are you doing to ensure they are receiving exactly what God wants them to have in their childhood?  Our world is so...go, go, go today and sometimes time can go by with our busy schedules consuming us that we may not be taking the time to really "talk" to our kids; much less be meeting their needs.  For the last several months, God has been tugging on my heartstrings to simplify my life to help move my children to the forefront.  He is removing distractions from my life one at a time to help me focus only on Him and my children.  Afterall, what is more important than pouring Him into them???

Tuesday night I went to Southeast Christian for their Christmas Joy program to hear Esther Burroughs speak!  What a delight to hear from a wise Christian woman, speaking God's Word's directly to my soul!  She spoke of creating a legacy to leave behind for your children, to let your children see you on your knees before God, to let them see your Bible open because you are soaking in His Word and encourage them to do the same, to make family traditions centered around Christ that your children can model to their children and have it pass from generation to generation until the return of Christ.  I laughed and I cried through the whole program.  One particular thing she talked about that just brings me to my knees to beg God for is for mature Christian women to reach out to single moms and take them under their wing to encourage and lift them up.  I have a good, solid relationship with Christ, but what I wouldn't give for God to send someone to take us in and invest in my family.  My intentions with my kids are in the right place, but life as a single mom is hard to juggle and fit all the best things for them in, not even mentioning the stuff that's good that they enjoy doing.  Sometimes I lose sight of being a perfect example of God's grace and mercy and am that imperfect human that just says the wrong thing, loses my temper when they just won't STOP fighting over something, forgets to pray over a meal, etc.  We get so busy that I don't always get a devotional time with them, and quite honestly, sometimes I don't get my quiet time with God either.  A combination of those two things missing alone can create a disastrous day in an instant.

What do I want to change?  I want to believe God MORE, trust Him MORE, depend on Him MORE, turn to Him first MORE.  I believe when we right our relationship with Him, things tend to fall in place more so than us doing them our way.  I want to give up control of the little things, and the big ones.  I want to laugh more with my kids, play more board games, go to the park more, play legos and Barbies more.  Take more spontaneous day road trips.  I want to fill their little heads with my mommy loves me SO much that she always makes time for us!  I want to teach them about God MORE!  So, what am I going to change first?  I'll have to get back with you on that, but I'm thinking MORE laughs first!!!